Hi. I read so many of the threads and replies and have never really plucked up the courage to have my say...so here goes. I have 5 children 3 here and 2 in heaven. I don't say this to upset anyone, its just I feel guilty if I say I have 3 children, it doesn't seem fair to the ones I've lost. Anyway.. Breast is Best or is it??

I started training as a breastfeeding counsellor a year before my first daughter was born (she is now 14years) and I was very pro breast feeding and even attended classes for mums to be to be as knowlegable as possible, I was determined that I would breastfeed my babies. But it was not to be with my first...sore cracked nipples, bleeding...breastfeeding counsellors..lactation consultants....it went on for 3-4 weeks and basically my daughter was a fractious unsettled and very hungry baby. She gained very little weight in this time and I decided to bottle feed her. I was terrified to go back to my nursing mothers group because I was no longer breastfeeding, yet I had made friends there and I needed some support. My group leader invited me to come along and somehow I found the courage to bottle feed in amongst all the breastfeeding mothers. The pressure I put on myself to succeed was enormous, I felt a failure.

Then came my second child who I was once again sure I could breastfeed. But within two weeks I was in a special centre for mums and babies having sleeping, eating, problems. They would weigh him after every feed and said he was getting very little milK??? I believed them and decided to complement his feeds with formula at every feed, we did this for 18months.

I had an missed miscarriage at 20 weeks and two days after the delivery,my milk came in... This was very difficult but I knew I had milk and that my body new what it was supposed to do.

A year later I had twins, my youngest little girl, bless her, died at 18 minutes after the birth.. and I had another beautiful daughter. I was encouraged to breastfeed.. and I wanted to .. but I think the stress and loss combination versus the pain of c-section and what have you, I gave it a 3 weeks when my daughter failed also to gain weight in the required amounts, I began bottle feeding.

So what does all this mean...That education about breastfeeding is vital and important and best for baby.. I have read the proof and I believe it too. But we are only human at the end of the day and our experiences of life (including breastfeeding) and the people who assist us is so wide and varied. I believe as a midwife I need to be genuine and listen to the mother, help where she needs it, be there for her, but most of all support her in all decisions, be her advocate.