that quote is so true sassy,

i suffered with severe PND after tobey. Thought if i showed the slightest sign of struggling everyone would see me as being an unfit mother!!

I hid it so well (my friend and chap split up after the birth of their 2nd child when she had PND so i was determined not to suffer incase the same thing happened to us!!) and sailed through the questionaire from the health visitor with a near perfect score.

it all came to a head 3 months after tobey arived and i took a massive overdose. richard just found me in time and at hospital they warned him my chances weren't good.

i had a week in hospital and came back home having not seen a single psychologist/specialist and no medication or anything. it took my mum a month to get doctors to do owt with me and it was a wonderful gp who had suffered PND quite bad herself that eventually sorted me out.

it's 3yr next month since i was in hospital. i'm no longer on medication, i finished counselling in january (this itself took 2yrs to get but helped immensley) and i'm in a better place than i've ever been.

this is my reason for doing midwifery now. it is something i've always wanted to do and after everything i've been through i value life a lot more. i don't want to sit back when i'm old and know i never tried the things i wanted to.

there you go, thats my account of PND. it's took along time to be able to talk about it but now i find it easier to talk about it than ignore it (thats the counselling that taught me that!!)

i can't regret what i did, it wasn't a cry for help at that point i really did want to leave and believed richard and the boys would be better off without me, the whole experience has taught me alot about myself and i believe in a way made me a happier person now. i do however regret what i put my family through, especially richard (he's had the hardest time dealing with it i think!!).

anyway can't live in the past just learn from it x

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STUDENT MIDWIFE TO BE (HUDDERSFIELD 2008)