Following me just realising that Mintwife made a very brash claim in the 'secrets' thread...
Give me a subject and I can write you a humourous poem in less than 5 mins ..... 
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I am pleased to announce that I am offering a special service, exclusively to SM.net members and completely without consulting the poet in advance. You give mintwife a topic, she will come up with your very own personal poem.
I'm going to start off by offering the first topic, a very easy one (inspired by my ward shift today) - LACTULOSE
Over to you, Mintwife