Hi all

I am normally the most positive person in the world, always see challenges not problems, see the best in people etc. etc., but today I feel I am at the end of my tether and just feel the need to vent. I hope you don't mind.

I have wanted to be a midwife for about 9 years but put everything on hold till I had completed my family. My youngest is almost 2 and I am just about to start working on my personal statement in preparation for applying to uni in 2009.

However, I am starting to worry that all I am getting is signs I shouldn't be doing this.

Things started to take a bit of a stressful turn for me about 6 years ago, when I got made redundant. That was fine, I looked at it as an opportunity to change my life, but as we had just moved house, bigger mortgage etc., had to get a job and pronto, which I did. What a mistake that turned out to be- my employers have turned out to be absolute horrors to work for, boss was terrible - favourites etc., however, I stuck it out, thinking I will be pregnant soon and be leaving. However, no such luck in conceiving (I have PCOS). About a year after that my DH developed a heart condition (which luckily is now stable) and ended up almost getting put on the transplant list, once he was on the road to recovery (well to being stable anyway) we went through fertility treatment which thank God was successful, then much longed for second child was diagnosed with a congenital heart defect and underwent open heart surgery about a year ago. I had just started to count my blessings and think things were on the up, so had started an evening class to get some up to date qualifications. I sat my final exam 2 weeks ago today and was feeling pretty happy, then .... my father in law died that night from a massive heart attack - totally unexpected - to complicate things he and DH run a business together so his entire life has been turned upside down. And now, my poor wee mum is in the HDU at our local hospital with a mystery infection- they are testing her for c diff. I am so worried about her... How can I even think of being so selfish and changing my families lives now.......

Any words of advice or even virtual hugs will be greatfully accepted..... and I hope to be back to my normal positive self soon....

Feel better now.

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'Do or Do Not. There is no Try.' Yoda
Applying to UWS Hamilton Campus for 2009 entry!