Hello everyone.

Just wanted to say hello and explain where I have been (I know it isn't very interesting, but anyhow, before I post away, thought it best to)

My dearly loved Mum passed away at Christmas, she was taken ill suddenly and died on the 23rd of December.
I am continuing on as Mum was proud of me for doing this and I feel her with me everyday.

I had a tough shift yesterday, as a young woman I was looking after was increasingly looking likely to have an instrumental delivery and her Mum was very upset. We spent a really tough 2 hours in the room, trying our very hardest to give her all the encouragement we could to get her to push out her baby. Alas, it was not to be and she needed the help of the doctors to get him out using forceps. It was my hardest shift yet and i was so upset for everyone, frustrated that we couldn't do anything and as usual felt marginalised by the team of doctors that took over and pushed us out of the way, literally.

On top of that I really miss my Mum and this job is very difficult at times seeing such strong family bonds and emotions...

As a result I held it together to see the baby born and help out and then hugged the family and wished them all the best. I held it together just long enough to get into the changing rooms and promptly burst into tears.

God only knows why I am telling you guys all of this, apologies for the self-pity, as yet I have not had the chance to discuss it with anyone and on top of everything else I guess it is hard to take.

Help??

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