Men!!

Hey people!!

Just wondering, what is everyone's view on the role that the male/partner plays in the birthing process?

Thought it would make an interesting point of discussion!

Zoy x

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In a word, crucial. So many partners feel like a spare part during labour and birth, I always get the partners involved, whether they be mothers, sisters, fathers, girlfriends, boyfriends etc etc. I have had excellent feedback from partners and women who says they felt their partner was part of the labour and birth rather than just an observer. One woman said she felt much more comfortable this time around as she didnt have to worry about her partner feeling awkward, bored etc as I had given him lots of jobs!

The kind of thing I get the partners doing mainly depends on the woman herself. But pretty much all women get very hot during labour and I cool them down with a cold compress (made from anything I can find.... a flannel at home, paper towels at work and doused in cold water) and applied to her head and neck/face etc - this is always a good one to get partners to help with......

Back rubbing, leg holding, cord cutting... have even shown a few partners how to listen in and palpate. I go by what they are interested in and what they ask questions about, its alot of observation and instinct with partners. Many dont feel confident to do certain things like cord cutting, holding babe etc and it just takes a lil persuasion and confidence building.

The way I see it its thier baby too, whether as a father, grandmother aunt or as a mum too and they need to feel included in the process of bringing the baby into the world.

I cared for one woman at home who couldnt bare to have her partner around she said 'I just want women with me, I love you you are my husband but go away' he looked so so sad, and I suggested he made a cup of tea which he was delighted with as he was still involved..... she was the same woman who shouted *she had her eyes closed and was in the bath* 'YOU THERE!' (pointing in my direction, I was like 'Gulp!') 'You keep talking you are good and have a really calm voice and I like that'. Afterwards she was so apologetic to everyone for being stroppy but I loved it, she knew what she wanted and went for it, she wasnt unkind or impolite. Its the strangest feeling having a compliment barked at you, mind you lol

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StudentMidwife.NET Founder & Director

What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?
(George Eliot, 1860)

I too believe that partners play a vital role during the birth, mainly because of the bond you have with them, there is know one else in that room who loves and knows you like your partner, so i think they should be as involved as much as poss, x x in most cases if it wasn't for your parnter then you wouldn't be having a baby anyway so they too have the right to share such a wonderful experince. x x
so in my humble opinion partners and birth partners play a VITAL role x x

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"Men who think that a woman's past love affairs lessen her love for them are usually stupid and weak. A woman can bring a new love to each man she loves, providing there are not too many."

Super Moderator.

I totally agreed with what you say right up until i gave birth myself (Twice). My husband hated being there; he said he felt like a spare part and couldn't cope seeing me in the pain I was in and not be able to do anything about it. IF I went for a third I think I'd choose a female friend - more empathy I feel! - just my own personal feelings!

I think if a man wants to be involved and his partner wants his involvement then they should be guided and supported to help their partner in labour.

My lovely husband was there both times for two very different deliveries and I was so glad he was because he really supported me both physically and mentally and it is an experience that is ours.

I feel that people should be able to choose who they have with them and if they choose someone other than their partner then we should support their choice. We are trying to support women AND their families to have the deliveries they want, not what we feel they should have.

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Coffeebean xx


Student Midwife

I was on my own for my three deliveries, and I felt really lonely and frightened, and just wish I could have had someone there to support me.

So I agree, whoever the woman wants with her is fine, they should be encouraged and involved as much as they both feel comfortable with. That way they are going to have happy memories to share of their experience, not scared, sad and lonely ones.

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Midwifemissy x

Student Midwife 2007
Student uni rep
Educational Resources Manager

PAB Support Worker

I agree that who ever the woman wants their helping and supporting her through it should be involved as possible but i know that not all partners want to be there.

I have had a few experiences were i could tell the partners hated being there and i tried to involve them but you cant make some one when all they wanna do is sit in the corner and observe. Women should be told to ask their partners if they want to be there and if not to consider another birthing partner.

xx

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Leah xx

my husband was brilliant. he rubbed my back,supported me physically and emotionally, didnt once say anything out of turn. I had a water birth so he even got the chance to deliver (well, catch is a better word). He was marvellous - because he stayed so controlled and calm, I did. I didnt want drugs and didnt need them thankfully, and he was really supportive of my choices throughout labour.

Good birth partners are just that - good! V helpful, especially in such an intimate and treasured moment.