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Really finding it hard...
Posted 20-Nov-2009 at 09:26 by CautiousCatcher
I am at a hideous point in my life, the beginning of this year was amazing, I became an MCA, got into CCCU for midwifery and moved into an amazing house with OH.
Since the good stuff, it just become a hideous mess. I hadn't taken one day sick, then I was attacked and ended up with a broken wrist and continual nerve damage. Then the whole ovarian tumour, the heart going weird and now my family is falling apart. My uncle had cancer of the oesophagus, so he had part of it removed (a massive hideous operation that meant he couldn't eat food that wasn't pureed), now he has multiple secondaries in his lungs. Its terminal. My grandma has to have a biopsy for breast cancer.
Then there are the problems at home, my boyfriend has an 11 year old son that lives with us permanently and he is causing loads of problems.
I'm finding it so bloody hard to keep everything going. The supervisor of midwives in our area came round last night, she is the most amazing person ever, I feel like I'm being crap and useless and she's kicking me and telling me its ok.
I feel that I have worked beyond belief to get where I am, and now it all seems to be too much. What do I do? I'm feeling so down inside, but I have no one to talk to. I have to be the strong motherly adult at home, looking after OH and his boy, also our friend who is living us because he can't cope with his family. I am failing miserably at work because of everything that is going on, they must regret hiring me! To my family, I have as my mum would say, put my professional face on and smile and support and try not to let emotion get the better of me.
I wonder how much more I can take, it's no one's fault except mine.
I hope and pray that next year is better, I just don't know how it's going to be when my uncle dies and my grandma gets a diagnosis. I don't even want to think about it to be honest.
Sometimes I don't want to leave the house, I just don't want anything else to be thrown at me.
Sorry for the rant, I don't have anyone to talk to so my computer becomes my friend.
meh...x
Since the good stuff, it just become a hideous mess. I hadn't taken one day sick, then I was attacked and ended up with a broken wrist and continual nerve damage. Then the whole ovarian tumour, the heart going weird and now my family is falling apart. My uncle had cancer of the oesophagus, so he had part of it removed (a massive hideous operation that meant he couldn't eat food that wasn't pureed), now he has multiple secondaries in his lungs. Its terminal. My grandma has to have a biopsy for breast cancer.
Then there are the problems at home, my boyfriend has an 11 year old son that lives with us permanently and he is causing loads of problems.
I'm finding it so bloody hard to keep everything going. The supervisor of midwives in our area came round last night, she is the most amazing person ever, I feel like I'm being crap and useless and she's kicking me and telling me its ok.
I feel that I have worked beyond belief to get where I am, and now it all seems to be too much. What do I do? I'm feeling so down inside, but I have no one to talk to. I have to be the strong motherly adult at home, looking after OH and his boy, also our friend who is living us because he can't cope with his family. I am failing miserably at work because of everything that is going on, they must regret hiring me! To my family, I have as my mum would say, put my professional face on and smile and support and try not to let emotion get the better of me.
I wonder how much more I can take, it's no one's fault except mine.
I hope and pray that next year is better, I just don't know how it's going to be when my uncle dies and my grandma gets a diagnosis. I don't even want to think about it to be honest.
Sometimes I don't want to leave the house, I just don't want anything else to be thrown at me.
Sorry for the rant, I don't have anyone to talk to so my computer becomes my friend.
meh...x
Total Comments 5
Comments
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Hey hun, dont really have any advice.... just want to say i am sorry your year has been pants so far. 2009 has not been great for me and my family either! so i can kindof understand how u are feeling :console:
We are all here for you, take care hun and i send sinceirest wishes that 2010 is better for you and ur family.
xPosted 20-Nov-2009 at 09:53 by Dharma
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Sending big hugs, I lost my Uncle last year to cancer and it was horrible, we also lost my Grandma a couple of Christmasses ago suddenly so I do know how unfair it all seems. However, despite everything you have done amazingly well to get to where you are now, I'm sure you are not failing miserably at work - we all have times in our lives when things get on top of us and stop us from functioning as well as we would like and I am sure that they will make allowances for that. I really hope that 2010 is the start of something positive for you. Lots of love xxxPosted 20-Nov-2009 at 16:00 by upsy daisy -
Oh my lovely. all I can give you is support and hugs and be an ear to listern. I am sorry your having a rough time hun. we will have to meet up (hopefully on 10th) but if not another time for a coffee and chat. chin up sweetie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxPosted 20-Nov-2009 at 17:52 by tcalamity - Don't be so down on yourself hun. It is not your fault that things have gone t**s up. As hard as it is to admit, we can't be super woman all of the time. If your looking after everyone and putting them and their needs first then I'm guessing your at the bottom of the pecking order? We are all here to listen and offer kind words when ever you need them x x x x xPosted 20-Nov-2009 at 19:22 by Cezza1976
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Awww sorry hun, I don't know really what to say, just want to send you a big hug
You'll be fine, sometimes we do have dark lane on our way but remember after dark lane there is always comes white onePosted 20-Nov-2009 at 22:49 by MeLadyee
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