From scared student to qualified midwife baby-catcher extaordinaire (hopefully)....
I know i'm only a first year, but...
Why is everything so frightening?
I had a night shift last night and was immediately given a really high risk case (i seem to be 'blessed' with them, and my mentor doesn't really fight for the normal cases for me to take, and i'm not sure if it's my place to fight for them either).
J was a primip, with an epidural and syntocinon (for induction) up, as she had obsteric choleostasis (problem with the liver, characterised by severe itching), she also had spina bifida, scoliosis and urinary incontinence, and self catheterised every 2 hours, with subsequent urinary tract infections pretty much constantly.
she ended up with a failed forceps and a ventouse delivery of a healthy baby boy- instrumental deliveries are so barbaric!!!!
And then i did all of the paperwork by myself (a mean feat considering theres about 8 parts to it) and handed her over to the postnatal guys, so that was a positive point
.
about 2 hours later G came in, a VBAC (yet again another high risk case, which my mentor so kindly pointed out that if it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be taking the case at all, she hated VBACS but i've got to 'get my catches in')
It was all a bit rushed, i was running round trying to get everything ready and be as helpful as possible, and even worked out how to fill the blood sample sheets out, pod them and send them to the lab, and phone the lab to tell them it was urgent if she needed to go for a section.
I had 2 help my mentor put a fetal scalp electrode on (to monitor baby's heartbeat directly) and you have to connnect it to a sticky pad which goes on the leg, i've done it before but i was rli fuggy headed and was a bit rushed, and the pad kept sticking to my gloves. My mentor was really sharp with me and told me to 'stop messing around', it upset me quite alot because she's normally so fantastic and patient with me, and was obviously really fed up and stressed and i was just adding to it. and then the dad fainted!!!
it affected me for the rest of the delivery, and was standing, at 4am this morning literally shaking waiting to deliver this baby, i suddenly felt very very fearful of it all, and like i wanted to run out of the room!!! for that moment i was really questioning whether i could do this, whether i would ever have the nerve to do the right thing in an emergency. the baby's head came out, and i went to deliver the shoulders but wasn't pulling hard enough, mentor had to shove my hands away and do it for me, i dont know why i couldn't do it
but a baby boy was delivered, nice and safely 5lb 11 oz, which was rli diddy and he therefore had to be put on the breast straight away as he was at risk of having hypoglaecemia, and i couldn't latch him on to the breast either mentor was rli annoyed that i couldn't do it, just felt totally helpless and useless!
couldnt sleep when i got home coz my brain wouldnt shut up, and now i'm really really tired!
feel quite disheartened and depressed by it all, i'm not sure i want to learn how to be a midwife in such a clinical setting, it just feels all so medical to me
i knew it would be hard work, tiring, emotional and frightening, and i knew that sometimes it would be an emergency situation and you have to take the good and the bad as a package, but i feel like i'm learning about how to take care of someone with an epidural, how to take venflons out, about VBACS and caesareans, and syntocinon infusions and any other medicalised aspect of childbirth, not about normal labour and birth
i'm sorry if anyone thinks i'm ranting or that i'm being dramatic, and normally i enjoy things so much just had a really bad couple of days
I had a night shift last night and was immediately given a really high risk case (i seem to be 'blessed' with them, and my mentor doesn't really fight for the normal cases for me to take, and i'm not sure if it's my place to fight for them either).
J was a primip, with an epidural and syntocinon (for induction) up, as she had obsteric choleostasis (problem with the liver, characterised by severe itching), she also had spina bifida, scoliosis and urinary incontinence, and self catheterised every 2 hours, with subsequent urinary tract infections pretty much constantly.
she ended up with a failed forceps and a ventouse delivery of a healthy baby boy- instrumental deliveries are so barbaric!!!!
And then i did all of the paperwork by myself (a mean feat considering theres about 8 parts to it) and handed her over to the postnatal guys, so that was a positive point
. about 2 hours later G came in, a VBAC (yet again another high risk case, which my mentor so kindly pointed out that if it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be taking the case at all, she hated VBACS but i've got to 'get my catches in'
) It was all a bit rushed, i was running round trying to get everything ready and be as helpful as possible, and even worked out how to fill the blood sample sheets out, pod them and send them to the lab, and phone the lab to tell them it was urgent if she needed to go for a section.
I had 2 help my mentor put a fetal scalp electrode on (to monitor baby's heartbeat directly) and you have to connnect it to a sticky pad which goes on the leg, i've done it before but i was rli fuggy headed and was a bit rushed, and the pad kept sticking to my gloves. My mentor was really sharp with me and told me to 'stop messing around', it upset me quite alot because she's normally so fantastic and patient with me, and was obviously really fed up and stressed and i was just adding to it. and then the dad fainted!!!
it affected me for the rest of the delivery, and was standing, at 4am this morning literally shaking waiting to deliver this baby, i suddenly felt very very fearful of it all, and like i wanted to run out of the room!!! for that moment i was really questioning whether i could do this, whether i would ever have the nerve to do the right thing in an emergency. the baby's head came out, and i went to deliver the shoulders but wasn't pulling hard enough, mentor had to shove my hands away and do it for me, i dont know why i couldn't do it
but a baby boy was delivered, nice and safely 5lb 11 oz, which was rli diddy and he therefore had to be put on the breast straight away as he was at risk of having hypoglaecemia, and i couldn't latch him on to the breast either
mentor was rli annoyed that i couldn't do it, just felt totally helpless and useless! couldnt sleep when i got home coz my brain wouldnt shut up, and now i'm really really tired!
feel quite disheartened and depressed by it all, i'm not sure i want to learn how to be a midwife in such a clinical setting, it just feels all so medical to me
i knew it would be hard work, tiring, emotional and frightening, and i knew that sometimes it would be an emergency situation and you have to take the good and the bad as a package, but i feel like i'm learning about how to take care of someone with an epidural, how to take venflons out, about VBACS and caesareans, and syntocinon infusions and any other medicalised aspect of childbirth, not about normal labour and birth
i'm sorry if anyone thinks i'm ranting or that i'm being dramatic, and normally i enjoy things so much just had a really bad couple of days
Total Comments 2
Comments
 |  Awww honey - don't get disheartened, WRH is a large unit and invariably you'll get lots of obstetric cases rather than the nice easy ones - I know, as well as working at WRH I delivered both my boys there, 1 was a Premmie and the 2nd was an assisted kiwi ventouse...not nice You will get lots of "normal" births and just think how much more relaxed and confident you'll feel now that you've got some of the "awkward" ones under your belt. Well done for getting all that paperwork done as handed over to P/N - I still can't believe how much paperwork is involved in having a baby!! xx |
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| |  So sorry to read how fed up you feel. I read through your account and had 2 main thoughts: Firstly, wow! you're doing so much on your own and it's only your first year!  You should be really proud of that.Then secondly, what a miserable night your mentor must have been having! She was giving you so many negative vibes, I'm not surprised that you felt vulnerable and lacked confidence at the delivery! I am sure you are going to make a brilliant midwife. These experiences, when things don't go so well all add the the training as a whole. I remember crying buckets during a shift when I was a student, 'cos my mentor was shouting "jump" and I wasn't jumping high enough for her - IYSWIM. Just keep going and I'm sure you will soon feel good about the training again. You could always write a reflection about the above!!!! |
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