Falling

I feel so depressed today.

It all started with having to catch the bus, which wouldn't normally be a problem but I was running late and had to leave without drying my hair and, much worse, saying a proper goodbye to the boys.

So I made it to the bus stop in time, only to have to wait over 20 minutes because the bus didn't show up. I hate public transport, I really have got to pass my driving test.

Anyway, on the bus, which was exceedingly crowded, I got to speculating about whether I'll get into swansea or not and thinking about how great it would be if both Kates got in too and we all went to uni together, then it dawned on me that they are never going to pick 3 people from one course, no matter how much they say it doesn't matter where people are from, I just can't see it happening. So I thought, I'd better just accept I'm not getting in because they are both so much better candidates than me.

So I thought, that's OK, at least I got into Cardiff, I am so lucky to get in anywhere and Cardiff's a great uni. Then I started thinking about the travelling costs and wondering how on earth we are going to manage financially and I just got really anxious and depressed.

I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff, I've moved away from the safe ground, of jobs that were boring but paid the bills, I'm now on the rocky edge and my dream is there, floating just 2 foot away from the edge, waiting for me to jump and grab hold of it and I'm so afraid that if I jump and grab it, I won't be able to hold on and I'll fall, far down to the jagged rocks below.