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A really tough decision for me

Discussion in 'Managing Emotions' started by KweeLee, Jan 28, 2012.

  1. KweeLee New Member

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    Hi all, I'm new to this forum, and only found it after searching the internet for one in New Zealand, which is where I live. It looks like a great place to be part of for aspiring midwives and professionals alike!
    My question will probably seem mad, but then again as we are all women/mothers/midwives maybe it won't?! My problem is that I am enrolled to start training fulltime next year as a Midwife, I will be 38 then. I already have 3 beautiful children that I love, and who despite their gorgeousness, are really hard work! (they are 10, 3 1/2 and 2 years) I really want to start studying towards a qualification and a career, however I can't get the idea of having another baby out of my mind. I do wonder if it has to do with my age and the idea of "never having a baby again" But in truth I feel trapped between the idea of finally getting to study, or trying for another baby before it's too late.
    My husband is happy either way which only makes it harder!! The more rational I try to be, the more I want another child.
    I am well aware that if I chose to have another baby it would be at least another 2 years before I could commence my studies again.
    Any advice would be gratefully received. Thanks everyone-
    :)
    KweeLee, Jan 28, 2012
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  2. iolaus Education Moderator

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    SMNET Staff Past Quiz Winner
    sounds like the biological clock ticking - tbh it sounds like you aren't ready to say never, rather than being ready to say now.

    How long would your training be, I'm guessing 3 years same as UK? You'd be 41 on qualifying, plenty of women have babies in their early 40s so it's not a question of midwifery vs a baby, a baby could come later if you want it too
    iolaus, Jan 28, 2012
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  3. Tesni Moderator

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    SMNET Staff
    I had a late baby at 43 and have just started my midwifery training now she is 2.5yrs - it is possible but obviously harder - both in terms of conceiving, having a healthy baby and then having the energy to study with a little one. I am lucky as my husband has taken part time hours so I have no child care worries. It really will have to be your choice as only you know what you can manage emotionally, academically and physically.
    Though I will add that even though I had the *one more*, the *last* baby, I have still have to deal with the grief of knowing I will never do it again, that doesn't necessarily go, you just postpone it :)
    Tesni, Jan 28, 2012
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  4. KweeLee New Member

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    Yes, that is a good point you make. I'm well aware of the trials of having another baby, especially with two other quite young children already.
    It just seems so sad to think I will never be pregnant again, as silly as that sounds! I guess a lot of women my age go through this process too. I don't think I would like to have a child in my 40's, and also my husband would be nearly 50 by then, which would make us well into our into our older years with teenagers!!
    In a way I'd like the decision to be taken out of my hands, I've waited to find an opportunity to study for many years. Finally I've found a course that is suitable and that I can start when my baby (2year old)is in Kindergarten. (the course is 3 years, yes)
    I have a good friend who is a midwife, who often said she got to hold all the new babies she needed to, to quell her broodiness!
    Ha, broodiness! There's a word I never thought I would use in relation to me!
    Thank you for your reply :)
    KweeLee, Jan 28, 2012
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  5. doddy Member

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    I know exactly how you are feeling...just a few weeks ago, I went through the same emotions. I even went as far to make an appointment with my GP to have my method of contraception removed.
    I have 2 children, 8 and 6, and I am happy with the way life is at the moment. They are becoming more independant, and I felt I needed to have another baby.
    But I am 37, and i feel my decision was baby or career. I took time to see how my feelings would evolve, and I have come to the decision that I am ready for my career.

    I totally empathise with you...and only you can decide what route to take. If your want for another baby is still strong, and isn't going away, then why not put off training for a couple of years. It's easier to start a career after 40 than it is to have a baby.
    Good luck to you what ever you decide xxx
    doddy, Jan 29, 2012
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  6. Mrs H Active Member

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    Hi. After reading ur post it seems to me ur mind is made up; you want another child. The possibility of studying midwifery will always be there. The ability to have another child wont be. HTH xx
    Mrs H, Feb 4, 2012
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