Anyone seen my confidence?!

I have just started my second labour ward placement after a 9 month gap and I am feeling less confident than I did before I started the first one

There is a different atmosphere to the ward than there was last time, very stressy and busy, lots of c-sections and instrumentals, it all seems quite defensive and the midwives are so busy I don't feel able to interact with them the same. I feel so different to them, like I am a burden, that I should know more than I do and it's so disheartening.

I have had one delivery since I started, a really lovely G2P1 who had a slightly strange but interesting labour and totally caught us out when the head suddenly crowned with no warning, I completely forgot what to do, the midwife I was working with shouted at me to get the synto and my gloves and delivery pack all sorted at the same time whilst she cupped the head and I got so stressed I couldn't think straight or work out what to do first. I was really apologetic about being in such a flap and being so unprepared and the midwife was lovely about it but I'm not sure she really meant it, I think she was just trying to make me feel better.

I was feeling a bit unwell the day before my most recent shift and was so relieved to be able to call in sick, I'm meant to be back tomorrow and I'm dreading it, I feel like I'm not learning anything at all, I find elective sections slightly boring which makes me feel so guilty because all births should be interesting but I just can't help feeling a bit down when I know I will spend a good portion of my shift standing in theatre and doing obs. I'm tired, I miss my children and I just can't ever imagine having the confidence to be part of a team and work as a NQM. I want to start planning my elective for a birthing centre where I can just be immersed in normality but that won't be for another year.

Sorry for the essay, just need to find a way of enjoying this placement and working out how to at least appear confident instead of the quivering wreck I seem to be at the moment On the upside, my last community placement was awesome and I got a better mark than I could ever have imagined, could happily be a community midwife right now, love the team and feel like I fit right in, just need to transfer some of that to labour ward :help:

Did you need the delivery pack or synto? Or did you just need to shove on a pair of gloves and catch? The midwife was probably just abrupt because she was taken by surprise as well and as it wasn't 'her' delivery she was trying not to just take over by doing all that for you. Use it as a learning experience, it happens to us all.

There's definitely more expected from us in the second year but I'm sure by the end of it we'll be much more experienced and confident. It's really hard to remember but the aim of placement isn't to feel that you fit in or know what you're doing all the time, it's to learn. If you don't feel out of your comfort zone it's probably because you're not learning and being challenged. Sometimes the mentors that are hardest to please are the ones that teach us the most.

A midwife after my own heart! I wish I had a mentor like you when I was training, can't wait to start work again this time doing things my own way and finding my own practices.

BossDog, don't be thrown by things like this. It's hard to get your head around working to someone else's rules and can often be distressing if you feel like you are trying so hard but still being told you aren't doing it right. Keep your chin up and don't let it knock you, I'm sure next shift you will have a great day and feel confident again!

I've had a gap year too and was dreading coming back, but after 2 shifts on LW I started to find my feet again - I'm sure you will too

I also felt like this after my LW placement, in fact i could not wait to finish it and im dreading going back. I dont feel confident at all and have 5 weeks left on LW as a 2nd year and even those are spread out into 3 week and a 2 week one Im nowhere near confidence i should be and it makes me worried that i can't do it.