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Member in need of support- please read and reply x

Discussion in 'Managing Emotions' started by Butterfly, Feb 4, 2012.

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  1. Butterfly Senior Manager and Midwifery Survivor!

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    SMNET Staff Past Quiz Winner
    I've been asked to post this anonymously for one of our lovely members who is having a tough time and would really like some support from her SMNET family!

    Please read and reply

    xx


    Hi everyone

    I'm writing this anonymously as there are folk here who know me from uni, and I'm not sure I can cope with everyone knowing about it just yet.

    Basically I found out at christmas that I was pregnant, which was fantastic. We were very excited. Then last week I started bleeding. A scan revealed that it had actually been a twin pregnancy but that one of them had stopped developing and it looked like I was miscarrying it, but we saw the other heartbeat and it was measuring spot-on for dates. This was a strange situation to be in, losing a baby I hadn’t even known was there, and I felt kind of guilty like I should have somehow known about it, but I was very glad still to be pregnant with the other one.

    The bleeding continued, and after 2 days was a lot worse with lots of big clots and pain. I feared the worst and phoned the early pregnancy unit again, but spoke to a very gruff woman who told me there was nothing they could do and just to call back in 5 days time and let them know what was happening! This really upset me, as i was fairly sure I was losing the other twin, but I didn't really know what to do. I spoke to my mentor at this point who was furious with them and told me to call them back and demand to be seen, but I was so tired and scared of getting the same woman again.

    I called again the next day as things were still pretty bad, and spoke to to a different person who said come in for a scan. The scan confirmed my fears, the 2nd twin was no longer viable and was really just a mass of tissue sitting by my cervix. Shortly after the scan I felt it coming out, when I went to the loo there it was, it was just awful.

    So now I know I've lost them both, still in pain emotionally and physically, and just feeling so up and down. We’re in a placement block just now, but my mentors and uni both know what has happened and told me to take the week off. I’m really missing it though, I’m keen to go back on Monday but am feeling so tired all the time and don’t know how I’ll cope. Also obviously don’t want to break down in tears in front of the women!

    I just feel so lost and empty, and am not good at sitting around all day. Would it be too soon to go back on Monday? If you were a mentor would you think it too soon for someone to come back a week after having a miscarriage? I’m so confused and my feelings are all over the place, I’m guessing this is normal after a miscarriage but argh! Don’t like this!

    Thank you for reading if you got this far!
    Butterfly, Feb 4, 2012
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  2. FluffySocks Well-Known Member

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    hiya
    i cant imagine how painful this is and my thoughts go out for you. Im not a mentor but i would suggest do what ever feels right for you, im sure your university and mentor would completely understand as it is not just one but two lovely babies you have lost. You might find getting back to placement a way of taking your mind off matters and easing back into it slowly. All i can say is take your time, there is no rush and take as much time as you need. If you are having doubts about going back then maybe you are not ready.
    I hope everything is okay and i wish you a happy future xxxxxxxxx
    FluffySocks, Feb 4, 2012
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  3. Azalea Well-Known Member

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    Aw hunni... I am lost for words. I am so sorry you are going through a rough time at the moment, I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling at the moment. All I would say is be kind to yourself, give yourself time to grieve your babies properly and worry about uni and placement later. My gut feeling from what you have written is that it is too soon but you are putting pressure on yourself to return as that is what is expected of you. Only you can know what is the best option for you, not us, not uni and not your mentor.

    I hope you make the right decision for you... Big hugs xx
    Azalea, Feb 4, 2012
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  4. FluffySocks Well-Known Member

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    :iagree:
    FluffySocks, Feb 4, 2012
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  5. Ilithyia Moderator of Awesomeness!

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    oh no, how awful for you honey :no:
    i don't really have any substantial advice other than that only you know what you are capable of dealing with - it's fine if you want to go back but then whilst it might feel like its for the better to get out & occupy yourself, you do have to consider that going out onto placement straight away might prolong your emotional healing whereas giving yourself that week to get to collect yourself might do you the world of good.

    only you know what's right for you. lots of love :love: Xx
    Ilithyia, Feb 4, 2012
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  6. casualelegance Active Member

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    Oh lovely, I'm so sorry. I know what you're going through. I miscarried twins, then a single baby then had a ruptured ectopic. I'm sending you the tightest squishiest hugs I can muster right now. It's an awful situation. Personally, I'd recommend taking some time out to try and recuperate physically, so that you can throw yourself into work when the time is right. Are there any friends or family who can keep you company, just to watch DVDs etc? I know that emotionally it will take some time for you to come to terms with this but try and spend some time with your OH and your friends. If you feel after a couple of days that you're up to returning to block, try it and see how it goes :) When I had my first MC I threw myself into Uni work as a coping mechanism, and whilst it worked I found that nothing helped more than being with my boyfriend.
    casualelegance, Feb 4, 2012
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  7. Pinkpanther1985 Member

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    Can i start by giving you a big :bighug:
    I agree above that you are the only one who knows what you can cope with.
    I know it doesnt help but this will get better! I hope you have a great support network and can offload to those close to you!
    Your going to be very hormonal an upset this is just naturalxxx
    Can you explain to your mentor that you would like to trial coming back but if its to soon you can leave again?
    All i can say is my heart goes to you and big hugs xxxxx
    Pinkpanther1985, Feb 4, 2012
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  8. JolenePolene Well-Known Member

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    So sorry to hear about your loss, it must be so difficult for you. :hug:

    As Potbella says, only you can decide what is right for you to do about going straight back to placement, but I think I would say it was a little too soon to be back working with women and babies so quickly after a miscarriage, I know I wouldn't be able to cope with it, but as you know everyone is different.

    Also, as you say, your emotions are all over the place, up and down in a matter of minutes and all very conflicting too, so please be kind to yourself and really try to have a good rest. xxxx
    JolenePolene, Feb 4, 2012
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  9. MimiLovesPandas Well-Known Member

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    So sorry to hear about the loss of your twins.
    I can only really echo what everyone else has said...take your time and do what's best for you.

    Lots of hugs, look after yourself and make sure you seek support if you need it xxxxx :hug:
    MimiLovesPandas, Feb 4, 2012
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  10. BlueSkyDaisy Active Member

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    So Sorry to hear that- It must be a really hard time for you right now.:hug:

    As the other girlies have said, only you know what is right for you and your family. If you feel you are ready to go back then give it a go but there is no shame in taking the time you need- placement can always be made up. You need to look after yourself at the moment.

    I hope whatever you decide helps you :)
    BlueSkyDaisy, Feb 4, 2012
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