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Member's difficult case on community- please read and reply x

Discussion in 'Managing Emotions' started by Butterfly, Feb 13, 2012.

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  1. Lil Miss Sunshine Welfare Moderator

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    Sorry... i don't think i said how well i think you handled the situation, you sound, like the others have said, that you handled it so well and there's nothing else that you could have done.. unless of course you have some sort of evidence and then would have to contact social services.
    You have done really well to be able to keep your feelings in check and be professional, it must have been really difficult for you to be there x
    Lil Miss Sunshine, Feb 14, 2012
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  2. Mkunga Staff Manager

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    I think that from what you've said, you handled it very well.

    I can remember as a student going to do an antenatal visit with a woman who was living with a partner who was on the sex offender list, was a known drug dealer and had been in prison for violent conduct. When we arrived, he was there and stood between us and the door the whole time. It was very frightening and although he did nothing towards us, his intimidating behaviour was bad enough. There was definitely an air of forced politeness and joviality - it was very weird and very tense.

    I'm sure that although you felt very tense, you handled it well, and in those sorts of situations, you HAVE to consider the worst possible outcomes, otherwise it's possible to let your guard down.
    Now it may not be that this child will come to any harm, but being vigilant about her safety is important, and without evidence of abuse, there is no evidence to remove the child from the home. It's sad, but this is the law of the land.

    It's a very sad case, but I think you've handled it very well. Unfortunately it's something you'll come across again and again as a midwife, and it's not something you ever get used to, but you do your very best to do what's right for that baby.
    Mkunga, Feb 14, 2012
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  3. Binky Round 3 it is...

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    I don't have anything to add really...just wanted to say as above that you handled it very well and very professionally. Is the mother aware of his past? Just I'm thinking if the 13yo is by a different mother she may not be? I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I know this is something I'll struggle with, we had a Child Protection lecture at uni and I was the only one crying. Maybe I was naive before it, but I was horrified to hear about the mothers whose children were not their priority, who did not do everything in their power to protect them, whose older children were blamed for the abuse of younger siblings etc. However one of said mothers had learning difficulties and was preyed upon as were the children. I guess it's never black and white but I would struggle to look past any type of abuse to an innocent child, the only thing that puts me off working in a prison. Sorry I'm just rambling now, guess what I'm trying to say is I'd have been exactly the same! I agree about talking to your mentor, she clearly didn't take it in her stride either xXxXx
    Binky, Feb 14, 2012
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  4. BluePixie Maderator

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    I really wanted to respond to this post with words to this effect but didn't feel eloquent enough to say it without getting it all wrong and sounding offensive. Chinamonkey has put it brilliantly though.

    I hope you are feeling a bit better now. This side of midwifery really does jar with me, I don't know how I would respond in the sort of situation you are describing but I think if you were left unshaken by it then you wouldn't be human - sadly the way you feel is all part and parcel of being a good human being. Big hug, and I hope you manage to get the information you might need to reassure you that this baby is being watched out for by social services.
    BluePixie, Feb 14, 2012
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  5. Mango Member

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    well done on remaining professional in what sounds like a very difficult situation. I agree, talk through things with your mentor and find out what protection measures etc are in place, it might help you feel a bit better and also will be a good learning experience.

    xxx
    Mango, Feb 14, 2012
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  6. Jamboree Active Member

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    I also think it sounds like you handled the situation very professionally and you should really give yourself credit for that as it is a very hard issue to put your feelings about to one side. Totally agree with what the others have said about talking to your mentor/ personal tutor/ someone you feel comfortable with about it as it sounds like it is really playing on your mind ( a sign that you care).

    Can I just ask-thinking about this situation, if you were doing a check on the baby and the dad (or offender) was in the room, and you discovered something that raised your suspicions, how would this be dealt with in terms of being open with the parents??? I know we are always encouraged to be open regarding referrals etc, but in this case would you say anything?? Thanks xxx
    Jamboree, Feb 14, 2012
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  7. Koalagrrry Well-Known Member

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    It used to be that the lead professional (in a child care setting) absolutely had to quiz the parent on how the injury came to be on the child...so I imagine youd need to draw their attention to, say, blood in the nappy, ask if theyve noticed it, do they know how it happened? Kinda thing. And then....Im not too sure fter that!
    Koalagrrry, Feb 14, 2012
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  8. Jamboree Active Member

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    That's interesting...I'm just thinking it could potentially turn nasty and how you'd need to play it in terms of balancing your safety with the need to be open with the parents. Sounds like a hard judgment call.... xxx
    Jamboree, Feb 14, 2012
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  9. Koalagrrry Well-Known Member

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    At the very least, youd take your concerns back to the lead professional and then interagency communication would begin, I think!
    Koalagrrry, Feb 14, 2012
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