Hi All,

One of the girls off another site I frequent has a huge dilemma and I thought we might be able to help. Any advice given I will pass on.

The post read thus:

I am posting this here as altho I don't feel the need for anonymity it refers to other people and I don't know if anyone else on the board who knows me knows them but does not know about this....if you follow me

To cut a long story short: some years ago I helped found a parent and toddler group to meet a need in our community, and as a result made several good friends, particularly among people who had moved to this area for work/marriage and had no family support, as I didn't.

Recently we have discovered that the husband of one of us is, TOTALLY unknown to her - even the police say so - a serial child abuser who has assaulted many children of their friends. I do not know if he has also assaulted their own children but it seems very probable. he is now in prison on remand awaiting trial on a large number of charges.

this has obviously caused deep trauma to many people, tho my children have not been abused. that is something I am only sure of after persistently re-running events in my head - this man has been a guest in my home more than once and we in his - and bringing myself to ask them some very searching questions. and I am so grateful for that it makes me feel almost guilty.

my problem is: because my kids are not directly involved, I am one of a very few people who could, if they chose, support this man's wife - and it is she who was my friend, not him. at the same time I am being asked by other friends whose children have been abused to support them in a variety of ways


I feel I ought to do both, but know I will have to make a positive move to get in touch with the first person. I met her briefly in the local petrol station a few days ago and was horrified by how ill she looks and by what she, briefly, told me of how her life is now.

any advice anyone can offer on how to sort out the very confused feelings I have about this dreadful situation would be so very welcome.
and could I also ask for prayers for ALL the women and children involved her as I feel they are ALL this man's victims.

thank you for reading this and I hope it has not distressed anyone too much or awoken any bad memories for people.

Oh, that man's wife is going to desperately need help and support. No doubt about that. Could you imagine finding that out about your husband? All the children he'd hurt and quite possibly your own? To have all that come down on you in (probably) one day would just be disastrous to me. I don't see how she's holding up, to be honest.

I really think that this person should rally around the wife. Perhaps get the group together gradually for healing and support. But I imagine the wife is probably feeling like an outcast, so if this person can openly show support to this wife, it can pave the way for others to accept that she had nothing to do with it.

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Sasha, Doula, Mama, Wife, Student Midwife

Three little wild boys and one soldier husband

I agree, his wife is going to be going through hell more than he will be going through i bet. The only thing i would make sure of is that the other poeple within the group are also supportive as this could cause real divide withion a group. So know who is going to be supportive and who may have some bad feelings.