The World Famous Mintwife Poetry Thread

[Dory]

Following me just realising that Mintwife made a very brash claim in the 'secrets' thread...

Give me a subject and I can write you a humourous poem in less than 5 mins .....

I am pleased to announce that I am offering a special service, exclusively to SM.net members and completely without consulting the poet in advance. You give mintwife a topic, she will come up with your very own personal poem.

I'm going to start off by offering the first topic, a very easy one (inspired by my ward shift today) - LACTULOSE

Over to you, Mintwife

[mintwife]

just got this message .... countdown begins.... NOW!!!!!

[mintwife]

Sometimes I have trouble with my guts
In fact it really drives me nuts
the pain and wind just grows and grows
I need a dose of lactulose!

Bent doubled over in despair
my guts are filled with gas and air
my abdomen sometimes grows and grows
Please give me NOW some lactulose!

And now the wind has just abated
and I'm so glad I never waited
my confidence just grows and grows
all thanks to trusty lactulose!

[J™]

'Excuse me', she whispered
Not wanting anyone to know
'I think I need
Something
To help me go'

'Go where?' Dory exclaimed
'You know ... the loo'
'Oh!' Dory cried
'You need a poo?'

Red faced she replied
'Um yes I do
It been 15 days since I had a poo'
'Worry not, drink this' said Dory with a smile
'That will sort you out
In a little while'

A while later
She buzzed to say
'I went about eight
and now Ive lost
half my body weight'

Hurrah for lactulose
The magic goo in a cup
If youre having trouble
With your number two's
Then just sup up!

[Dory]

This is fun

Especially after the day I just had.

Topic number two anyone?

[Dory]

TMI mintwife

OK then, as there are no other takers within my extremely short concentration span, topic number two () need more of a seasonal flavour - SPROUTS

[mintwife]

At chrismas me and my cousins four
would feed our sprouts to the kitchen floor,
from whence would come thier collie, Sam,
and eat the lot with xmas ham.

disturbing tho it seems, but true
Sam loved his sprouts and cabbage too,
ashamed am i it must be said
the smell of Sam filled me with dread

[Dory]

OK - MEN

[mintwife]

Men are solid, men are great,
Some are early, some are late.
they make you cry, they make you laugh,
they make you tea and run your bath.

Men construct some great erections
they'll never ask for some directions
they watch football and pick their noses
and fart and belch and eat your roses.

Men can drive you to despair
preening while they gel their hear,
but best of all my love they reap
when they are quiet and sound asleep!!!!

[Dory]

You have a talent for this... you could write verses for birthday cards (but I dread to think which section they'd have to go in...)

My husband's in the other room doing the ironing while I st here productively surfing. Can you cheer him up with an ironing poem? (although being my husband should be more than enough to cheer anyone up I know...)