As the founder, owner and director of SMNET I am privvy to alot of information. People tell me things, they ask my advice, I help everyone that I can - alot goes on behind the scenes as Im sure you would appreciate. However this matter has arisen time and time again and I wrote this a while ago after the many discussions on and off the site about the dark side of midwifery. I wasnt sure what to do with this article, but it needs to be said...

A house is blazing to the ground, people stand around watching, it takes them 20 minutes to realise no one has dialled 999. As some of you will be aware there is such a thing as the ‘by-stander effect’, where the more people there are witnessing an event the less likely the individuals are to act.

How many times have you witnessed unkind comments, nastiness and bullying in practice and just watched, not 'dialling 999'?

How many times have you broken out in a cold sweat when another student is being berated in the staff room in front of colleagues? The cold sweat indicative of the butterflies and knot in your stomach making you feel sick, yet the sweet relief that its not you prevents you from jumping up and yelling 'STOP!'?

How many times have you been 'told off' in front of a client? Feeling the hot shame spread across your cheeks and your eyes pricked with tears? For some of you it will be none, for others it will be once or twice or more.

How many times have you been told that your mentor is sick, and then you instantly feel cut adrift, panicking inside thinking what if no-one will have me? What about my hours? What about getting my skills signed off? So you sit smiling hopefully at everyone, like an orphaned kitten trying to look as cute and lovely as possible hoping that someone will take you... you hear yourself saying 'I wont be any trouble'....... 'Id be really grateful if anyone could take me today'.... almost begging....only to hear a conversation around you about how no one wants 'the student' today. And how many of you answer to 'the student' instead of your name?

Not everyone will have experienced all of the above, but many will have experienced some and for some it has been a lot worse. I am a final year student who has taken a gap year, for many reasons and I founded, direct and run this highly successful website. It is a support network for students, providing you with educational resources, information, guidance and friendship. But what has astounded me in the 8 months the site has been running is the actual physical need for support. Many students are reporting feeling physically sick with worry, anxiety and apprehension about some of the treatment they are experiencing or witnessing, in practice.

However, once they have let the concern spill out of them onto the page and receive the kind supportive, encouraging words of other students they feel better. But this should not be where it ends. In a recent anonymous poll asking the membership ‘Is your learning experience a positive one?’ 2.27% said No 38.64% said Yes but a staggering 61.36% said ‘Sometimes’.

This is what students are reporting, these are the comments I have consent to pass on, many others are too scared to consent incase they can be identified by their comments;

‘I have never ever worked in a place with so much back stabbing bitching and moaning about people in my life’. (Year 2 Student).

‘It is beginning to really wear me down. I am a grown-up, dedicated, hard-working and enthusiastic. I am also finding I can be tolerant, patient and able to prevent myself from crying in public (sometimes).’ (Year 2 Student).

’Some of the midwives can be exceptionally cruel, I would say brace yourself’. (Year 2 Student).

‘I have had run in’s with one midwife and both times it has not been my fault but I took the brunt of it as I was the student on duty. It seemed very unfair but I was told to use it as a learning curve. After, my mentor took me to one side and told me she is like that with everyone so forget what happened and move on as I am competent in what I was doing and I did not need to be shouted at in that manner in front of others.’ (Year 1 Student).

‘I sat in handover recently, and was ignored until someone decided to ask me who I was meant to be working with. When I gave my mentor's name I was told she was off sick. Fair enough. I then sat for a minute, wondering what to do next. One of the midwives was asked to "have" me. That midwife then said in front of me (and everyone else in handover) "Oh, do I have to? I'm sick of students and I’m on NHS P tonight, so I don't want her"’ (Year 1 Student).

‘Our cohort has actually lost one of our number due to the absolute vileness of her mentor; she just couldn't take any more.’ (Year 1 Student)

‘It is terrible that they get away with it, especially when you're concentrating so hard on not doing something wrong just in case you get shouted at, or stared at, dirty looks or even for them to walk out of the room and talk loudly about how useless you are’. (Year 1 Student).

My vision is that the next generation of students come together to make the changes happen. It’s already beginning to happen on this website, you come and debrief about the catty comments, the cruel treatment or the bullying situation you have experienced and seek comfort, support and kind words. You do this rather than go along with perpetuating the bullying/catty culture that is the hidden undercurrent of some units. This website has over 1,700 members in the 8 months it’s been running, it has around 150-200 regulars that visit the site every day, and thousands each month, they seek the haven of StudentMidwife.NET and my 19 staff and I are influencing the culture of the next generation of midwives, daily.

So what do I mean by perpetuating the bullying culture? I have enough life experience outside of midwifery and prior to being a student to see how people infiltrate groups, how they become one of the gang, how they say and do the right things to fit in but still retaining who they are. The less experienced or worldly-wise students struggle with this and either feel ostracised from the group or will do literally anything to be on the inside, to be liked, to get a job at the end of their training. Self esteem rockets as they feel they are part of the group, they feel they must be midwife material as they are in the clique. But what about those units with the dark side? Those shadowy corners where gossiping, catty comments and bullying live? Where keen, enthusiastic students become broken and despairing?

Its clear, if you want to continue to fit in you don’t rock the boat, you turn a blind eye to nasty comments and bullying or you even perpetuate it yourself, agreeing, gossiping, deflecting attention from yourself incase you are next...... or do you? Have the foresight to think if they can do that to X then they can do that to you. What protects you from it? By you being an even bigger bully? If so where does that stop? We tell our children that bullies are just cowards and they are. In midwifery they are the ones that bitch about the Dr behind their back or when they have left the room, rather than being an advocate for women and challenging other health professionals. They are the ones hiding dark insecurities about themselves or maybe even their practice? Or maybe they are just scared and want to fit in unnoticed so they can get on with caring for women? Its most likley that these 'bullies' are no such thing, they are midwives under huge pressure working very hard to provide care for clients in often very difficult situations - unsocial hours, often stuffy/hot conditions, being short staffed, faulty or simply not enough equipment, not being able to take breaks due to the sheer number of women and babies needing care and often ........with a student in tow.

I don’t believe it is any one person. I think it is fear and it’s cultural. Cultural norms can change. It takes me back to the by-stander effect, this diffusion of responsibility, if we make caring for and looking out for one another our collective responsibility then we begin to make the change. If we choose not to behave in the 'socially acceptable' ways of our unit then again we continue the changes. If we, the next generation of midwives, don’t perpetuate it then at some point it will stop. I know people will read this and think 'Bah! You’ll never change a culture that is ingrained in midwifery, its pointless trying'. I say, it is pointless not to try, for the sake of the students of tomorrow. So many students are lost due to the dark underbelly of midwifery, and usually it is the sensitive souls that the profession seeks.

This is not intended to scare new students or put them off but for those of you that will have the misfortune to witness this dark underbelly its is to prepare you. It has to stop and it has to stop now.

You are the next generation, you will be the ones to make the difference. There are thousands of brilliant and exceptional mentors, midwives, managers and matrons who want to see an end to this. We are talking about a minority of people who are perpetuating this dark side of midwifery, and if the next generation refused to entertain the comments, the jibes and the mistreatment and instead seek out the many mentors, midwives, managers and supervisors and ask for help - then surely in time it will wither away and dissapear?

The profession has always had fights to fight and battles to win but this one is at our core. We must protect our young, our fledglings, our future, ourselves. So next time someone is gossiping, ignore it, busy yourself elsewhere. Next time you are bullied or made to cry in practice, tell someone, talk to your mentor or Uni, tutor, ward manager, supervisor of midwives and offload. Don’t carry those feelings around even if its just to talk about it, you don’t have to make a complaint but if you do you are standing up for yourself and the future student midwives to be.

Change, and possibly the type of future that midwifery has, starts with whether you accept being mistreated or witnessing mistreatment. You, and only you, can decide that.

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J
StudentMidwife.NET Founder & Director

"You're braver than you believe. Stronger than you seem. And smarter than you think."
Christopher Robin in Pooh's Grand Adventure

Please help us raise funds for a bereavement room in Honey's memory by taking part in the SMNET Auction & Raffle here thanks x

I have commented on this in your blog honey. Very well said, very true and hopefully if there is someone out there in that position then they will get the strength and confidence needed to be able to stand up for themselves.

xx

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sm.NET moderator



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Brilliantly put, J ™. Did you manage to get this published?

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THESE words are the key words J ™! I totally agree with it. I fully intend to make my experience as positive as I can; and if in the future, I have the privilege of being a mentor, then I want to pass on the support not the negative!!

We as incoming students and newly qualified midwives actually hold a very precious place in the scheme of things. Now that we are aware and informed of the need for change we have two choices 1) let it stay the same and live with the misery it causes 2) change it for all, present and future, from the moment of accepting your place at Uni'!!

This 'issue' is the one thing that is casting a dark cloud over my wanting to do midwifery. I have known about it for over a year now as I correspond with a midwife who has knowledge of the 'darker side' first hand. Saying that though, it is only a few that spoil the image of midwifery from one of caring compassion to one of cruelty and critiscism.

Taking on a role of midwife is one that is hard enough without the prospect of deflecting, defending and surviving feeling like you will always have to battle those within your own profession.

I think midwifery takes a certain sort of person - apart from the obvious caring and compassionate side it also requires someone who has to be independant, can rely on being self sufficient and has a backbone that T-rex would be proud of.

I don't think you are 'scaring' off the new students with this topic - fore-warned is fore-armed!.....if change is going to happen then 'we' need to know where it has to change!!

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Now an Unconditional Offer

A really honest piece of writing, its sad to read some of the comments people have said and hopfully things can and will change.XX

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Have you just been offered a place? If so and you want a mentor please post in post this forum (also post here if you would like a mentee)

Thank you for the informative insight, full of nerves at the moment as due to start uni in sept so so excited but this has made me realise that not all people are to be taken at face value. I appreciate the honesty and bravery of some of the students that are being bullied and hope that i am strong and confident in myself to arm myself with a big brave smile and support all others.

Hi J ™, I have read some of these comments before, and I think that it is really sad that someone who is willing to learn and put themselves in situations which they are uncertain of are made to feel like that.
I am so glad that I have found this website as it has made me aware that this can happen and it will prepare me for it. I just hope that students now and in the future will feel comfortable in sticking up for themselves and find the support that they need, when they need it. It would be a shame to lose really good future midwives because someone decided that they were going to make their day bad to make themselves feel better. Thanks for a very thought provoking article x

Brilliant J ™.

I used to use "the other student site" but have stopped due to the constant bitching, snide comments and back stabbling.

I was very concerned that ALL midwives were cows and that I had made the wrong decision until I found this site where I was relieved to find nice people who are hear to share in experiences and offer support.

Thanks for the billiant site, the wise words put into so many of your posts and to the members who make this a pleasant place to be. I know that if i have problems in my training, i will have people here who can listen and advise!

Fantastic article!!!

I have decided to follow my dream vocation DESPITE hearing about the "dark side".
I have heard all about the bitchy, back stabbing ways and it has not put me off one bit. I admit that I worry that I wont fit in, I haven't got it in me to stand in others shadows, keep my mouth shut and do as I am told. I am ALWAYS for the underdog always have and always will. If I was to witness, over hear or be told of unfairness or bullying I would see red, I simply cannot abide it. Even when I don't know the person I will stick up for them, whether they want me to or not! This is what worries me as I know it would annoy people.

My heart goes out to the current students and NQMs who are being made to feel inadequate and that their dream is worthless. I truly hope something comes of this and I for one will support it anyway I can.

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You know what my lifes been like latley Noo, its been so upside down that I never did pursue getting it published, but us tall poppies have to be heard somehow

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J
StudentMidwife.NET Founder & Director

"You're braver than you believe. Stronger than you seem. And smarter than you think."
Christopher Robin in Pooh's Grand Adventure

Please help us raise funds for a bereavement room in Honey's memory by taking part in the SMNET Auction & Raffle here thanks x