Embarassing midwifery moments!

I thought I'd also tell you about the day i delivered a poo,
There we were, me and my mentor (who was very posh bird) looking after a mum having her 3rd baby. " Don't get caught short" my mentor says, "as soon as you see bulging of the perineum, prepare for the arrival of the baby, multips can take you by surprise and you don't want to miss it"

So, I dutifully watched the perineum for any bulging and there it was - I was ready! I put on my sterile gown, my sterile gloves and placed my hand on the perineum to 'guard' it and waited...........

Fart, Fart, Grunt and .........plop, out came the biggest turd I've ever seen (and i've done 10 years nursing!) it was the size of a house brick (I kid you not!) I held it up for my mentor to see who said,
"let's try that again shall we?"

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Laugh in the face of the devil Eat Chocolate

OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!

HA HA HA

TURD THE SIZE OF A HOUSE BRICK !!!

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Was unsuccessful again , but will keep trying !!

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind......Gandhi.

Oh my!!

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Coffeebean xx


Student Midwife

on my last shift i managed to drop a box on the panic button on the ward. The red light started flashing and I had visions of the police breaking down the door any minute! One of the MW's told me not to worry that they would ring to make sure we were all right and not just turn up. I sat guarding the phone for about 10 mins willing it not to ring, as i was worried about what i was going to say. Then the door buzzer went and I jumped out of my skin and said OMG it's the police! Someone then helpfully pointed out that they probably wouldn't buzz if they were answering an emergency panic alarm!

By this time, i had managed to get some information that actually the panic button goes through to a security firm and they definately do ring to make sure you are ok if the button has been pressed.
After about 20 mins the red light stopped flashing, much to my relied, but much to my concern, no one had actually called to see if we were alright, and not at the hands of some knife wielding maniac. Good to know we are protected at all times?!

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Site Administrator, Student Mentor Scheme Manager

STMW 2nd year - no, really!

I feel so safe and cared for don't you?

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Laugh in the face of the devil Eat Chocolate

primate...................HAhahahahahahaha this made me cry out loud!!! x

Love the turd story made me cry with laughter! x

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Wolves Sept 2008
SM.NET Project Manager
SM.NET Wolves Student Rep

yup! the contract probably expired ages ago and no-one has bothered to renew it!

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Site Administrator, Student Mentor Scheme Manager

STMW 2nd year - no, really!

Complete bag of nerves witnessing my first C section, halfway through the Reg turns to me and asks if i can take his visor and mask off, to which I tried to yank it off over his head and nearly pulled his head off. The SHO politely informed me that I could untie it from the back.....yikes the shame of it....

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“Necessity is the mother of invention, it is true, but its father is creativity and knowledge is the midwife"

Ok , at last I dare admit to mine. I was in my first year and working with a very straight laced (but lovely) senior midwife when I was asked to administer some prostin. My mentor gave me ONE sterile glove and I commenced to perform a EPV.

She then asked me what I could feel - well being inexperienced and rather 'green' i didn't have a bl**dy clue, however I just knew that something wasn't right. A few moments later the penny dropped and I could literally feel the colour drain out of my face as realisation dawned that I was actually in her back passage. Well I could have died on the spot - not only did I now have to explain my mistake to my mentor but to the woman as well ( Who must have known where my fingers were probing)!!

To make matters worse I was very abrubtly told that I would have to go and get another glove, which I did and then committed the same mistake! How embarrassing is that ???

Am I the only one to mess up big time like this or more to the point I am I the only one stupid enough to admit it

I would love to hear anyone elses goofs - I sure it would make me feel better.

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FF xx
There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them.