Our emotions. Leading off on a tangent from another thread where crying at births was being discussed and some students who had shed a tear (not hysterically you understand!!) were chastised by mentors for showing emotion...........I thought it time we discussed and debated how we feel.

Yes, we need to be professional but how can we stop ourselves from 'feeling'? surely if we go down that path then in 10 years time we will all be hardened off and dare I say, become emotionally distant from the women. Thats one of the major factors in why many of us want to follow this path, to be with woman, how can we be if we are so uptight?

I believe we can judge situations and use our instincts about the appropriatness of emotional responses. For example, hugging women, kissing babies, Ive seen this happen alot and is this wrong? Ive never kissed a baby but Ive given pretty much of all of the ones Ive delivered or cared for a dam fine cuddle, I talk to them, I talk to them in utero, I call them by their names, the parents love it, it makes thier child more 'real' it crosses that barrier of 'baby this and baby that' to naming the child giving them their identity...... is this wrong? someone once said to me they call the baby 'baby' until its born incase it dies in labour, I couldnt understand this, if a baby doesnt make it why does that mean it shouldnt have a name? the parents have already decided so why cant we share in that and use the babies name? or am I being naive?

Many a woman I have discharged came and gave me a great big squeezy hug before she left and I gave her a good ol' squeeze back whispering in her ear how well she did and how well she is doing. Some women need to hear 'you are a good mother' from someone that 'matters' and 'you are doing well'/ 'you are doing X right' / 'its ok to cry/be scared' how can we say this with meaning if we are discouraged from 'feeling'? surely our instincts are what make us in tune with the women we care for? how close is intuition to feeling? how much of who we are goes into the care we give these women? if we cant feel can we be us? Yes there is a line, there are protocols, rules and regulations but surely behind these is the simple ethos, that we care for and serve the women who need us, professionally, with quality and with instinct and feeling..........

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Josie
StudentMidwife.NET Co-founder & Director

There is no protocol or guideline which says you can't show emotion. How sad it would be if we as women cannot relate to the women we support enough to show basic human emotion!! Being a midwife aside, if we see something wonderful like a baby being born and want to show how amazing it was being crying then we should be able to do so. Crying doesn't make you a bad person or a bad midwife and actually the day I lose emotion is the day I stop and would have to consider myself as a person.

Please, please don't let the system stifle your emotions, they are so important in this job.

Vic xx

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Vicky
Liverpool Independent Midwives

i understand that emotions are importnat but surely it depends in what situation and the fact that we are there for the women so we cant let our emotions interefere with our care.

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Leah xx

Hi Leah
I don't think emotions can get in the way of care. When we say 'Emotion' it doesn't have to be tears, it can be laughter, excitement, and sadness. A midwife who is truly with woman will feel the woman's emotions as well as have some of her own and we shouldn't put a lid on those emotions.

When women have commented on midwives and the treatment they have had, you will often hear that they didn't seem to 'care'. It maybe down to stress or whatever, but women don't want to see brazen faced midwives with a stiff upper lip...they want to see genuinely caring women and we can be like that while staying professional.

When I say that we should cry if we want, then I don't mean balling your eyes out! But if a situation makes you tearful then so what...you're no less a professional just cos you have feelings!!

You know, I was unfortunate enough to be involved in an IUD and the woman lost her first child. It was the most heart wrenching moment of my career and it upset me so much. I assisted this lady through a terrible ordeal and when the baby was born dead, it was such an awful thing to see, I had to cry. When you witness something like that, a woman wouldn't think any less of you for crying...it's bloody sad! In fact if the shoe was on the other foot and I was the mum, I would think that the midwife was heartless if she didn't show any emotion!

You can't get so close to people in such an intimate situation and be devoid of emotion...it's just not right.

Anyway, my posts seem to go on far too long!!

Vic xx

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Vicky
Liverpool Independent Midwives

No i agree some emotion is deffiantely a good thing as it shows that u have some connection with the woman and an understnading for how she is feeling. I just meant that our emotions shouldnt get in the way of our care as i have seen sometimes.

And some midiwves in hospitals are very stressed and under pressured and they walk into a room and the woman can sense that tension, this shouldnt be the case what ever is going on outiside in the corridor should stay there and not interfere with a woman's birthing expereince. Even though i know this is sometimes difficult.

i have to admit im always filling up when the women i care for get upset but then i also luagh along with them when i can. Its a very emotional job after all its about dealing with peoples lives so its bound to emotional.

xx

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Leah xx

Vic,

Do IM's ever have students? you would be the worlds greatest mentor!! I wish all midwives thought like you do. Im glad its not just me who thinks like this

J

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Josie
StudentMidwife.NET Co-founder & Director

She's fab isn't she J?! Well said Vic!!

IMO -
In happy occasions, all emotions are fine and dandy!
But... in a upsetting situation, the grief/upset/emotion of the midwife should not overtake that of the families.

Just my opinion...

Any one else have an opinion on the subject??

xx

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I feel it is right to show emotion for and with the women you are caring for, if it is a happy outcome then surely you would want to share in their joy.

if it is a sad outcome, then I feel it is right to shed a tear. Show the family you feel for their pain, without going over the top of course.

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I'm in, thanks & bless you Mum & Dad x
Student Midwife 2007

Student uni rep
Educational Resources Manager

Have you just been offered a place? If so and you want a mentor please post in post this forum (also post here if you would like a mentee)

Yes, thats what I was trying to say MM - My brain seems to have gone on strike too....

xx

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Oooh maybe we need another social group Kate lol.

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I'm in, thanks & bless you Mum & Dad x
Student Midwife 2007

Student uni rep
Educational Resources Manager

Have you just been offered a place? If so and you want a mentor please post in post this forum (also post here if you would like a mentee)