Stillbirth what do you do?

Evie · #1 (**permalink**) 11-Dec-2007, 12:43

Hi,
I am new to this site and would welcome some advice.
I have 2 children (2 year old and 9 week old) and I have seen the light and want to become a midwife.
I realise that having 2 young children would make this choice of studying a very difficult process but I have a good support network.

I was wondering if any other student midwives have such young families and how they are finding it.

Also on the interview questions, I read that someone was asked how would you cope if a woman in your care had a still birth.
How do you? Are you just supposed to know or this is something you learn?

Thanks
E.

TallPoppy · #2 (**permalink**) 11-Dec-2007, 15:22

Hi Evie,

Welcome to the site, Im sure like many others it will aid you on your path to becoming a midwife

Having a young family can mean you feel split between your responsibilities and committments but having a great network of support does ease that feeling. Just ensure you build in family time and time out and the rest just seems to fall into place. Tutors and other students are really understanding when you have kids and have been a great support for me.

We are taught how to cope with stillbirth, we are taught the clinical skills and also how to deal with it emotionally. Many midwives and students have experienced this and many will tell you that each and every situation is different and over time you will instinctively know how to cope clinically and emotionally. When you are faced with your first stillbirth, for me anyway, it was obvioulsy extremely sad and devestating for the mother and father, and lets not forget the grandparents and brothers and sisters too. I knew I would be able to cope with supporting the mother should I ever experience stillbirth but was concerned how I feel about the baby. When it happened to me in practice, clinically the cause was Placental Abruption, and obviously mum and dad were devestated. I had little contact with the parents as I had only just come on shift but I did assist my mentor in caring for the baby. I remember looking at the baby and thinking he looked like an angel that was asleep, he had beautiful blonde hair and the most gorgeous angelic face. He looked so peaceful and there was a real feeling of calm as we dressed him and took photos and prints of his hands and feet at his parents request. His parents were not ready to see him at that time but did agree to the prints, photos and a lock of his hair. I felt it a great honour to be caring for this baby and being part of what will help his parents know him and in time help them to begin to heal, if you do ever heal......

One of the most important aspects of managing and coping with stillbirth is to debrief. Talking about how you felt, how you feel now, what you did, what you didnt do wil help you cope with your own feelings and also help you learn from the experience and how this can inform your practice in the future. Mentors, Ward Sisters, Midwifery Managers, Supervisors of Midwives and often Consultants and Drs are involved in the debrief process.

If I were answering the question I would say ensure that clinically the woman and baby are cared for, emotionally the woman and her partner are supported and well cared for - the quality of care at this time cannot take the pain away or bring the baby back but it can have a profound effect on the parents memory of the birth and loss and also can greatly affect the grieving process, Id also say that they are encouraged to see the baby and agree to footprints, lock of hair and handprints as it is shown that this can support the grieving process (see SANDS memory card), that all paperwork and documentation is completed and that those involved are debriefed. I would also mention SANDS directly and say what a great support they are to parents and families and health professionals, alike.

http://www.uk-sands.org/Home.html

Hope this helps

J

Evie · #3 (**permalink**) 11-Dec-2007, 16:50

Thanks TallPoppy, that has helped me a great deal and thanks for welcoming me to this fantastic site.

E.

TallPoppy · #4 (**permalink**) 14-Dec-2007, 16:22

You are very welcome Evie

and thanks for the kind words about my site

I have a huge grin now lol

KarrierBag · #5 (**permalink**) 04-Feb-2008, 20:04

Hi all!

A bit of a hard topic to discuss but I would really appreciate some advice.
Apparently, a common question is, 'How would you deal with a stillbirth?'
My gut instinct would be to reassure the woman that she had done nothing wrong and that it wasn't her fault, let her cry, scream, shout etc... but let her know that I, as a student/midwife, am there for HER, to support her through it as much as possible and answer any questions she may have. Then probably, go off and have a little cry, in private. Empathy, sympathy and support would be my three main points.

What does everyone think? Anything I may have missed?

Thanks.

xx

midwifemissy · #6 (**permalink**) 04-Feb-2008, 20:11

I agree, it is a really hard topic to discuss/deal with, and I have to admit one I dread.

I think you have covered it very well, the only thing I can think to add would be to support the parents when seeing/cuddling their baby, giving them time and privacy to do that, but being on hand if needed?

KarrierBag · #7 (**permalink**) 04-Feb-2008, 20:25

It's one I dread too and I think being asked the question without actually experiencing it first-hand so to speak makes it slightly harder. I can say 'in theory' what I'd do but in that situation I may act differently. Yes - 'support the parents when seeing/cuddling their baby, giving them time and privacy to do that, but being on hand if needed?' is a good thing to add.

midwifemissy · #8 (**permalink**) 04-Feb-2008, 20:30

Yes, you are right, how we 'think' we would deal with it, may be totally different to how we actually do when faced with it.

A lot depends on how the parents deal with it I guess, as no two couples will react the same way, and that will influence the care we need to gibe them.

TallPoppy · #9 (**permalink**) 04-Feb-2008, 20:41

Hi Kate

Have a look at this post about stillbirth......

http://www.studentmidwife.net/introd...-to-apply.html

KarrierBag · #10 (**permalink**) 04-Feb-2008, 20:53

Thanks TallPoppy, that post is really helpful!! I totally agree that the quality of care cannot take away the pain but yes, it does have an affect on the parents memory. Debriefing is an important part of it that I didn't think of but yes, it would help a lot.

Thanks again, you're an angel!!

K x