so sad, but it might not be the right time.....

mummy3monsters · #1 (**permalink**) 29-Jul-2008, 19:02

Hi ladies, I'm so lost and confused at the moment, could really do with some advice.
I'm due to start at ARU is alittle over 5 weeks, my dad was diagnosed with aggressive bladder cancer a few weeks back. At first we thought he would have his bladder removed and although he would be ill for awhile, he would get through it.
Today we have been told he can't have surgery after all as the cancer has spread and he has been offered chemo. While I was with the doctor on my own I asked her what she thought his chances were and she said to be honest they were not very good and he probably won't get through this.
I feel deverstated, my mum and dad don't know this yet and I don't know if I can bring myself to tell them. They are both going to need so much support over the next few months and have no one else. I really don't know if I should start at uni as I don't know if I can give it my all and obviously I want to spent time with my dad. My mum has already told me I must still go she feels its very important and is very proud but I really don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in such a muddle sorry for the ramble just needed to get it all out xxx

midwifemissy · #2 (**permalink**) 29-Jul-2008, 19:10

Aww hun,

I am so very sorry to hear about your Dad, what an awful position to be in. I feel it should be the doctor that tells your Mum & Dad, as she can then answer any questions they have. But that is just my opinion.

The only advice I can offer, is to do what feels right for you, maybe ring uni and ask to speak to the head of the course, explain what has happened and ask for her advice might be a good thing to do.

Sending you big hugs love, if you need someone to talk to, then please pm me anytime.

hrbvlb · #3 (**permalink**) 29-Jul-2008, 19:15

Sorry to hear your news. I think only you will know what the right thing to do is but as Midwifemissy said I would call Uni asap.

From me too X

mummy3monsters · #4 (**permalink**) 29-Jul-2008, 19:28

Thanks to you both for your replies xx I'm so worried for my mum, my dad takes it all in his stride but I don't know how my mum would live without him :-(
I will ring my uni, maybe I will be able to defer? I don't know, but I should speak to them. Thank you xxx

christa · #5 (**permalink**) 29-Jul-2008, 19:32

Sorry that you have had such sad news, think the advice you have been given so far is the best way to go.

You have to do what is best for you and your family and I am sure that if you decided this Sept was the best that your uni would consider letting you defer until next year, these are exceptional circumstances, and at least if you did that you would be able to be around for both your mum and dad and still have a guaranteed place next year.

Sending you lots of hugs x x x

TallPoppy · #6 (**permalink**) 29-Jul-2008, 19:49

Im so sorry to hear about your dad - huge hugs hun xxxxx

Under the circumstances I would say you uni would let you defer if thats what you choose to do. You are right to consider it as its a demanding course and having stuff going on at home/family can pull you in two - but then on the flip side it gives you norality and a focus away from your home stuff - so as the gals have already said - only you know my love.

Sending you lots of lovely warm squeezy cuddles - we'll all be here for you whatever you decide and whatever happens, ok? xxxx

midwifemissy · #7 (**permalink**) 29-Jul-2008, 19:52

You are very welcome love,

it is very hard for the partner left behind, but they do manage to go on, even when you think they will never be able to. They find the strength from somehwere.

You Mum will have a great reason to go on, and that is to see you qaulify hun, that will make her so proud. She will want to be there for that.

Due to your circumstances they may well let you defer, and then you can carry on when you feel ready to later on.

Hope you get it sorted love, and please feel free to offload here whenever you need to, we are here to listen and support you any way we can. xx

Originally Posted by mummy3monsters

Thanks to you both for your replies xx I'm so worried for my mum, my dad takes it all in his stride but I don't know how my mum would live without him :-(
I will ring my uni, maybe I will be able to defer? I don't know, but I should speak to them. Thank you xxx

upsy daisy · #8 (**permalink**) 29-Jul-2008, 19:52

Awww honey - so so sorry that you've had this awful news - I agree with the other girlies - have a chat with uni and see what they suggest and then do what feels right for you - as J says, on one hand it might be hard to keep up with things and feel like you're being pulled in 2 directions but then it might be a positive thing to focus on. Whatever you decide, we'll be here. Sending hugs
xxxxxx

coffeebean · #9 (**permalink**) 29-Jul-2008, 20:08

So very sorry to hear your news. Spend as much time as you can with your Dad and enjoy every second. Uni will still be there in a year's time.

Big hugs to you!!

twinklex4 · #10 (**permalink**) 29-Jul-2008, 20:25

So sorry to hear about your Dad, lots of hugs.
I am sure your university will be fine if you defer until next year.
loads of love.xx

so sad, but it might not be the right time.....

so sad, but it might not be the right time.....

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