Another baby...or not?

It's now 2.47am and I'm still awake so I thought I'd tell you all what's bothering me!

Within the past few weeks I have decided that I'd love another baby. I'm 35 and have two children who are 8 and 6. I have been doing voluntary work at the baby cafe at the local SureStart centre, lots of people I know have recently had babies and my children are always asking me when am I going to have another baby...and all this has started me thinking!

I have two major dilemmas...firstly I am a single parent with no partner. I have raised my children single handedly for the past 7 years (I was pregnant with the second when ex-hubby left) so I know I can cope but obviously I need to get pregnant first!! It's NOT my heart's desire to raise another child without a father but I have been single since ex hubby left and feel like time is running out now (I'm crying as I write this). I have dated lots but don't think I've found one decent man amongst them all. Should I wait longer and see if someone suitable turns up or take things into my own hands?

Secondly, I'm due to start my access course in 3 weeks and hope to get a place at Northampton Uni for September 2009 but how on earth does a baby fit into all that??!! I was wondering how I was going to do night shifts, weekends etc with two school age children, let alone a baby as well!!!

I feel a bit foolish writing this cos I realise that I sound like a woman who's lost her marbles! All I can say is that the ticking of my biological clock is defying all logic!

Thanks in advance for reading. Any advice welcome but be prepared for more tears! x

__________________
Nikki x

Firstly
ChickP I can no way shape or form imagine how you must be feeling, and I'm sorry this is the situation you're in, but it doesn't necessarily have to be negative. You could have another baby after your access course, midwifery is there any time. My mum had me when she was 38, and plenty of women have children when they're older, you just need to figure out if you want to wait for someone you want to have a child with or like you said take matters into you own hands. As you know babies aren't always easy, but you've proved you can do it alone before, as well as with someone else.

There is alot of thinking ahead of you I believe, and only you can make these choices. Whether you decide to go it alone or not you've already proved your a strong and good mum to your children. There are plently of midwives who are single mums, who I'm sure will vouch for me when I say the course is doable.

Chin up hun, I hope my words have helped, I too can't sleep, so I'm glad I could offer my opinion. We're all here to offer a hand and an ear...I know the others will when they're awake.

xxx

__________________
Middlesex Student Midwife September 2008
SM.Net Middlesex University Student Midwife Rep!

Hi Chickp, its such a strong feeling at times isn't it. I was steralised (SP?) at 30 after problem pregnancies. So there is no chance of me having another but it doesn't stop me getting broody. Luckly my sister has a one year old who I have been able to borrow sometimes and that soon sorts me out with a baby fix.

x

__________________

Hi ChickP

Just to give you some support and say that you are not silly for wanting another child and that any decision you make I am sure will be one that you have thought long and hard about. Sorry I have no advice, just wanted you to know that you're not mad, bad or sad!!! We are all here to support whatever you decide.

Hope you aren't feeling so sad.

__________________
Coffeebean xx


Student Midwife

Oh Chickp, that is a very tough post to answer!!

I do understand how you're feeling, although I do not have a burning desire now to have a child I did after DD was born, and it is hard to accept you'd never have another too!

All I can say is I don't think you're nuts at all! many emotive things in life are not rational, so don't worry. We can't all do everything sensible all the time, eh? (otherwise we'd probably never have children at all!)

What I 'd say is start access, you're on your own now, being 35+ is not too old these days! I am sure there is still time yet, when you meet the right guy, then you can think about this again maybe?

Access will keep you occupied and starting your journey into mdwifery, as you say too, it would be really tough with a baby aswell as two school children?

Oh, I do hope you have not taken offence to my post, just my thoughts. I hope you come to a decision you are happy with, huge hugs to you.

(I am 33 and I am pretty much resigned to the fact that they'll be no more children)

__________________

ChickP - I think that reading all these posts might be like tossing a coin - only you will know the true answer in the end. I would say if you really want a baby then have it now(!) - but only from the point of view that I had my last at 41 and you just get soooooo tired! But is it what you really, really want or is it just that broody thing? I'm broody at the moment and I'm thinking what would I do if I had an accident but that would just be totally crazy because I really do want to do this Midwifery thing and (in my case, not yours!) I'm just too damn old!!

Hmm - this has probably confused you even more! Good luck hun in whatever you decide - make sure it's right for you and your family.

__________________
Question everything. Always.

ok, when you say 'take matters into my own hands' what do you mean?
Clearly there is no father with which for you to have a baby - so how do you propose on making one?
just a bit confused really, does it mean you will have casual unprotected sex, or does it mean you will start a relationship with someone who clearly isnt the right one, just so you can satisfy your need?
hopefully it's neither, as i think they are both wrong.

Start the access first, and then realistically see if you can fit a newborn into your busy life to be. And then work on how you are going to do it.
One things for sure - you need to be really really happy in the decision you make, because once you are on the midwifery course, there is a lot of cuddling babies going on, which might just send you loopy if you are not happy!
hugs to you
x

__________________
Site Administrator, Student Mentor Scheme Manager

STMW 2nd year - no, really!

I say go for it - I often think having a man around aswell just makes it harder - it's one more person to have to think about and try and keep happy!!

But as some others have said - still do the access...

Keep us posted!

I am not in the same situation as you but I feel our feelings are similar, I am with a new partner for about a year, I have a 3 year old from my previous marriage and I am doing an access course at the mo with a view to apply for degree programme sept 09. However I had some really bad news that I the fertility problems that I was aware of have got worse and that if I want another baby to do it asap. Problem is I have only been in this relationship a short time and its going so well I dont want to screw it up and I dont want to go on the degree and then try after and discover I missed my chance. However after I had had time to let the news sink in I started doing work on my access course again and I am putting things to the back of my mind until myself and my partner are schduled for fertility tests in Dec and then we will decide then. I think you should start your access and see how you feel soon after you have started, you may find you get so into the course the broody feeling will subside but if it is still as strong as ever then you need to decide whether to have another baby and how you are going to do it but at least you will be part way through your course and as others have said midwifery can wait but at least if you have your access done - your already halfway there for when you are ready to apply.

__________________
Chester interview 9/12/08!!