How do I make this work???

How do I make this work???

For the first time since I made the decision to try and get into uni I am feeling really down. I am worried that I am asking just too much of both myself and my family. I spoke to a friend of a friend today, who qualified last August. She is about my age and has 2 young children like I do. She did the diploma in her home town but still said that if it wasn’t for her husband’s support she thinks she would have jacked it in in her third year as it was so hard being away from the children.

I have to do the degree, and my closest university is more than 100 miles round trip away! My husband is dubious at best about the idea. When I would start my littlies will be 2 and 6 but I really don’t feel I can afford to wait as I’ll be 44! I’m getting especially stressed out at the idea of being away from my baby who won’t be starting school for years yet.

But I’ve never wanted something for myself so much as I want this! You know those sad X Factor contestants with their “it’s all I dream about… my life would end… etc”? Well now I know how they feel! I would be so devastated to have to give up this dream. But what about my family?

Could I, for instance do a year and then take a year off? Has anyone done anything like this? If uni’s allowed this I’d invent a good reason! I’m not desperate to qualify in 3 years, I just think I need to get my foot on the ladder before I hit my mid 40’s. Or would it be a good idea to try and temporarily move the family closer to uni? We are all very happy where we are and it would mean the 6 year old changing schools – for what – if I’m going to be full time anyway?

I must say I am amazed at how very un-family friendly studying to be a midwife is – there seems to be one way only and very little choice. I’m starting to ramble so I’m gonna go but I will gratefully receive any advice/opinions from people about any of this, particularly from those of you who’ve had it even worse and made it work!

Please cheer me up!!

__________________
Question everything. Always.

Hi Ms Wroe!
Hope you feel bit better for writing that all down (I find just doing that helps!)
I don't have any advice re starting and stopping I'm afraid, I hope someone else can give you an insight.
I have come to the conclusion recently to wait another year because of my children. I was planning to apply for 2009, when I would have a 2 year old and a 3 1/2 year old. But watching my little girl, who is currently 2 yrs 3m, I don't feel I want to miss this part of my son's life. I understand that some people do and completely understand why, but for us I will feel happier about things if my son is 3 and my daughter 4 1/2 which will mean trying for 2010. My daughter will be starting school then and my son will be in pre-school and I feel I will be more relaxed about it and more able to give 100% (if that is possible at all with kids!!) to the course. Maybe it would help you to wait one more year if you are unsure? One year in our lives is not much really, but means a lot of change for a 2-3 year old?
Take your time to think through all your options and have a good chat with your blokey too!
Hope that helps, maybe a little!
x x x

__________________
Decided to postpone my application to 2010 for Beds and ARU x x x

I really feel for you MsWoe!! We have so many roles in life and we always feel guilty about one thing or another!

You have to be really honest with yourself about what you can live with. Is it really impossible to wait another year, by which time your youngest will be a little older and you may feel a little less stressed about leaving her.

At the end of the day we hav to make compromises because we have a whole unit ( kids and partners) to consider. University will still be there next year which would give you the opportunity to spend a bit more time with your children.

So many decisions to make can make you scared of making any at all, so I would suggest that you talk it through with your partner as honestly as you can and if you decide to wait then, do it and be happy!! If you decide you have to start now then only you can decide that.

Good luck and please remember that waiting doesn't mean giving up it just means waiting a little bit longer. I personally wouldn't start and then stop as there is no guarantee you would go back.

Hope you can reach a compromise that you are all happy with.

__________________
Coffeebean xx


Student Midwife

Have you found out if you can apply for a deferred entry place? It'd be worth asking so if you were unsuccesful, you could still apply again the following year (for same year of entry).

You could also find out if it is possible to do the course part time. Although this may not be offered as an option when you first go on the course, it may be possible to go part time once started - though I am not sure if this would only be for special circumstances.

It is possible to take a year out when you are on the course, I think the course has to be completed within 5 years of starting.

You need to do what is right for you and your family. As far as age goes, I don't think waiting another year or two is a problem, there are older people on the course.

Your uni is quite a distance - however, how far would your placement be? I don't know how your uni structures its course, where I am going we do 5 weeks uni then 5 weeks placement. If your uni does something similar, you may be able to cope with the travel if it is in short blocks and your placement is on your doorstep.

Good luck, and it will not be the end of the world if you delay. Only you can work out what is right for you x

MsWroe, I know what your saying......its hard to imagine how your life will pan-out.....
My honset advice would be to go for it, if its your dream.
Childern are so adaptable, we will all be carrying the burden and the guilt of not seeing the childern as much as we are used too. A big part of me is doing this for my children, I want them to have a better quality of life. (when we emigrate)

If you think its doable (with the travelling) then go for it!!!!
We all deserve something out of life something thats for us! x x x

__________________
"Men who think that a woman's past love affairs lessen her love for them are usually stupid and weak. A woman can bring a new love to each man she loves, providing there are not too many."

Super Moderator.

Ms Wroe, I really feel for your dilemma, I was there myself.

I hope it had helped getting it all down in writing.

I started my pre-access and then access when my youngest daughter was 18 months, though the college was not a hundred miles away, about 15. I missed them and still do half way through my training, but they are far more independent and are definately more loved and appreciated if that is possible. There are good and bad aspects as there are with everything, I'd search out the info for what your uni requires re deferral etc.

I'd say do the course, your heart is set on it, they'll go to school soon enough and you'll have weekdays with them still.

See if you can move house! that's what we did as uni was much further before. There aere ways around everytihng, if you really, really want it and want it now then go for it, we'll all be here to support you!

Good luck with it, keep us posted as to what you do?

xxx

__________________

Just a quick reply cos' I'm at work! Thank you all for your advice and support - it is so good to get someone else's perspective on things. Interesting to hear you have to complete within 5 years and could take a year off - I could maybe contemplate doing it that way - I can't imagine not wanting to finish once I'd started it. I am also starting to think about maybe waiting one more year - but I wonder if I could bear it! The travel is about 50 miles each way - making 100 I would travel there and back. We have moved house a lot and I think my husband would go nuts if I asked him to move again but maybe there are compromises to be made.... More advice and opinions most welcome - I'm feeling a little better already!

__________________
Question everything. Always.

So many decisions to make!!! It can be overwhelming at times but take your time and make the decision you can all live with. A year would fly by!!!

__________________
Coffeebean xx


Student Midwife

Ms. Wroe I completly understand your dilemma I was meant to start my course last year but just as I was offered my place found out I was pregnant luckily for me my uni allowd me to defer until this Sept, but that means now I am leaving my baby who will be just 11mths when I start and my eldest who will be 3 1/2. I look at them everyday at the mo thinking how small they still are and the thought that I will be leaving them in childcare (because I'm now a single mum and their father will not help at all!!!) or with my Mum so much of the time makes me feel so guilty and sad about the things I am likely to miss, but I feel I have to do this not only because it is what I need for myself but also to improve their lives in the long term.

Other the the obvious eagerness you have to just get started which I completly understand, your age once qualified will be the same wherever you take that year break and as coffebean said once you take a break no guarntee you'd go back, sometimes its hard to get back into a frame of mind once you stop something (or maybe thats just me ). Speaking from experience having waited a year longer than I expected to start the time flys so quickly. This time last year I was watching all my access group getting ready to start their uni courses and my turn seemed so far away but within a blink of an eye its nearly here!!

Sometimes we have to just take a deep breath and jump once in a situation we find a way through it, but only you know what is right for you and your family good luck with your decision. x x x

Lots of people travel a long way and make it work - because it's something they really want to do - we actually moved about 20 miles further away to get good childcare support so I now have about a 70 mile round trip - which admittidly can drive me nuts sometimes - but then there are folk in my cohort who travel much further and are far less moany about it than me!

I started my re-education when the girls had just turned 2 - this last year has been really hard - living a bit furter away, the travel time tagged onto placement days has often meant I've not seen the girls for several days at a time where I've gone out before they're up in the morning and come home after they've gone to bed...

But then I've kept going - very nearly given up on more than one occasion - had actually made the decision to stop only a couple of weeks ago - but I keep going! My girls start school in september so I'm hoping it'll be easier then - but I still feel that I'll be amazed if I actually complete the course in one go! We'll see!

I'm doing it for the girls as much as myself as I want both for them to look up to me and be proud of what I do - and I want a better lifestyle for us all. If I manage to keep going without a break - they'll be 6 when I qualify and I figure thats still very much an age when they'll need me after a hard day at school and a row with their best friend or whatever - and that's what keeps me going on the whole! That and the fact the job is amazing - really hard sometimes - but amazing!

Do you have recent qualifications or would you need to do something before the degree??? Where are you planning on applying to???