Emotions

wannabemidwiff · #1 (**permalink**) 23-Sep-2008, 22:03

Im not sure where to start. I have been thinking alot about all aspects of midwifery, and there is one thing that keeps coming to the forefront of my mind.
Obviously I hope I dont upset anyone. But im quite an emotional person, esp when it comes to children.
My worry is if I am presant at a still birth or a baby which passes soon after birth, im not sure how I will cope.
I will cry, I will want to hug the parents and tell them how sorry i am (im bloody welling up thinking about it). I will want to make sure they will hold their baby for as long as possible, Im worried about becoming too involved.

I guess what im saying is will i be strong enough to detach myself from these situations. Can I be the professional mw that people will want me to be.

Ani · #2 (**permalink**) 23-Sep-2008, 22:40

Hiya,

None of us really know how we will react until we are in that situation. I can only pass on what I have read / heard from others so far: you do get taught how to 'debrief' afterwards. At the time you try to remain professional, but a few tears are ok - it shows you are human. But to get really upset in front of the parents would not be helpful to anyone. I have heard others say that they are so focused on the things that actually need doing, and in caring for the family, that often it is only afterwards that they break down and cry.
This should not be a reason to stop you from becoming a midwife. It is good that you recognise this in yourself, you are human and you do have feelings. I am sure someone else will post a much more eloquent response!

wannabemidwiff · #3 (**permalink**) 23-Sep-2008, 22:48

Thank you! it helps. Tbh, I think I am just emotional today. I remember, when I was at work there was a call for a first aider, a lil boy had an accident, not a bad one, he had fell and cut his head. I dealt with it, made him feel better and his parents happy. It was after the paramedics went that I went to the loo and burst into tears. I know its nowhere near the same, but if I can be professional like that, maybe I have a chance. I guess adrenaline takes over and your professional instinct kicks in.

goddessmomma · #4 (**permalink**) 23-Sep-2008, 23:03

Hiya hun I totally understand and it is something I have concerns about but the day we didn't show any emotion is the day we would really need to start worrying. Speaking to others and reading their threads I think it is important for those you are supporting to know that you do care and that it means something to you. You are sharing the birthing experience and are part of it when it goes smoothly and it is only fitting that you are part of it when it doesn't. I would hope that midwives are trained how to deal with this type of situation and that there would be some form of counselling should it be needed. I agree with Ani (and think she put it very eloquently) that if we were lost in grief we would not be able to look after the parents and and meet their needs. It is a terrible situation to think about but by doing so you are acknowledging the possibilities and enabling yourself to try and find some coping mechanisims should the need arise. Never apologies for your sensitivity and caring manner. It is an attribute that is essential when caring for others. Big hugs hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tara676 · #5 (**permalink**) 02-Oct-2008, 16:37

Hi hun, when I had Jamie there was only midwife who showed emotion and I will never forget her as long as I live, When I arrived at the hospital I was told that they needed two signatures from doctors but one doctor had refused to sign so we had to wait. When i had given birth to him I remember this one midiwife crying, not sobbing, just crying, she said to me 'That no matter what anyone says a loss is a loss and no parent should ever outlive their own children' she hugged me and like i said i will never forget her. It turned out that her own mum had died 2 weeks before, and it was her first day back at work. Poor lady. I guess we will all be trained in what is professional and what is not, and we are only human, and to show compassion is so much better than being cold. hugs to you and your emotions xxx

scallywag · #6 (**permalink**) 02-Oct-2008, 19:45

Hi honey, just wanted to say that you're not alone in worrying about this. I know it's certainly something that I worry about a lot; I'm such an emotional person that I don't know how I'd cope with something like that.

I honestly believe that the fact you're worried about this shows what a caring and compassionate person you are. I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine, and that you'll be a tower of strength to women and their families, who will really appreciate the fact that you care.

Very best of luck hon, XX

lella · #7 (**permalink**) 02-Oct-2008, 21:00

You will be fine. You will trained to deal with situations like this . And as everyone has said, there is nothing wrong with showing emotion, it shows the parents that you care.

goddessmomma · #8 (**permalink**) 02-Oct-2008, 21:16

Just got to say hun I've chipped in on a few of your posts today and you are such a lovely person. I would thank my lucky stars if you were assigned to be my midwife. I would want someone with heart and soul not a robot. Never change hun. Feeling a bit emotional myself tonight. Must be that quiz... Big hugs xxxxxxxx